In 2021, I applied for a leadership program and was unsuccessful. I thought about applying for a long time and held off from doing so because I didn’t think I had much to offer since becoming a mother. Leadership could only be attained in the professional space, for those who committed full time to their practice. I did not fall into that bracket of working in the professional space full time. In fact this was a tension I carried for the first few years of motherhood. I could not maintain a full time professional practice and meet the needs and demands of caring for a child. I still can’t but I manage it better now and I feel less guilty about it and… I understand that I can not do it all, I actually don’t want to do it all. This application presented an opportunity to present domesticity as a form of leadership. I was hoping to articulate that domesticity and my art practice are one in the same, that the qualities that exist in my domestic space as a mother are the same qualities I have as an arts leader. I clearly didn’t do a good job of it!
Here are some excerpts from the application;
I’ve been practising for 20yrs. I’m seeking new opportunities to further my practice. I believe learning is constant. I’m looking for something that will give me personal &professional development; to have a deeper understanding of leadership in a creative context. I seek connection with others, I wonder if fears& challenges are the same? Do women deal with the same leadership challenges as men? How does domesticity sit within leadership styles? My professional &personal practice is interconnected. In the last 7yrs my domestic& professional practice has become entwined in the most intimate& intense way. Motherhood vs art vs independence vs relevance. Becoming a mother quietly strips you off your confidence & at the same time deepens understanding of yourself & the world. A friend wrote “As a teen & young adult, I wanted to be the opposite of my mother. I saw women like her as housewives enslaved within the patriarchy, serving men & reliant on a man to provide for them. I imagined that to be in that role was to be stripped of independence & agency, & trapped by domestic responsibilities.” I saw women artists before me get lost to domesticity & not return to practice. As I got older, I understood my mother & domesticity better,I saw that women like my mother had learned how to exist in a world that did not empower migrant women, nor was I part of an industry that supported mother creatives to continue their practice. Be seen, be a tick box. This was a big part of my conditioning as a child of migrants & emerging ‘CALD’ artist. I carried in my body fear of being an imposter. I’ve worked hard to shed this imposter coat regardless of all the accomplishments I’ve made. Ironically, it’s becoming a mother that helped shed this coat. My focus is on developing leadership based on Care, Courage, Conversations & Love-tools learnt from motherhood. I want to be an advocate for women who feel they must choose between motherhood & practice.
I was awarded the Australia Council Young leaders award in 2006 & my understanding of this term has developed over time. In my work, I need to think like an artist & work like a manager. I broker relationships, hold visions & make the dreaming happen in an ethical framework. I step back when I need too. At the core of my practice is storytelling & community, wrapped in generosity, safety & care. I set up safe spaces for creativity, failure & evaluation. Leadership is a way of thinking & acting & doing. it’s about being respectful & ethical. The term has meaning across & within cultures & it has a significant place in the domestic sphere. Like motherhood, the demands are complex, challenging & extensive. It’s in understanding my domestic space that I can articulate my leadership practice.
In May of this year, I produced & directed an outdoor community engaged live art project with children. The project embodied 20 years of my practice – it was co-lead with children and artists. In total I engaged 200 children, 8 artists, 12 volunteers, a local resident, two business owners. When I was asked about it, I replied “it was joyful, no-one cried or was upset.” That became my marker of success. I have worked with organisations in various capacities in 20years & in the last 6 years I have noticed a significant shift in how people communicate thoughts & grievances in workplaces & how people determine who are the holders of artistic practice. I’ve seen less conversations, more hurt. The notion of care in a creative & administrative context is so important to me.